Oct 29, Wednesday Evening:  I wanted to share yet another way that I lost weight before.  This is by far the best way ever for me.  And if I lived alone I would live this way the rest of my life.  I have done this plan twice and I think everyone should try it just once to feel the freedom that this plan brings.  Here is my story... when my son left for college I was alone for the very first time ever.  I was not married (never got married until I was 42 in 2002), I was not dating (had not had a date in over 9 years) and I had the apartment all to myself.  It was April of 1998.  I was 300 pounds for the very first time.  I was so sick of the struggle I was having with food.  I know some say food is their friend but I have never felt that way.  I have always hated the way food seems to control me and I certainly hate the guilt I was feeling after stuffing myself.  Food was my enemy.  I wanted it out of my life.  So one morning I got up and I packed up every single bit of food in my cabinets and refrigerator and brought it to my parent's home.  I gave it all away.  And by all I do mean all!!!  All I kept was salt, pepper, ketchup, and lemon juice.  THAT'S IT!!!  There was nothing else eatable in the house.  NOTHING!  I was free!!!  It felt wonderful!!!  So what was I going to eat?  I needed some food in the house but it had to be something somewhat healthy and something I would not binge on.  For me the best solution was frozen dinners.  So I filled the freezer with frozen dinners and that is the only food I kept on hand PERIOD!!!  (One of my favorites was a fish stick dinner which is why I kept the ketchup and lemon juice, else I would have thrown that out too).  When I was hungry I'd eat a frozen dinner (yes, for breakfast too).  If I really craved something else I would go out and get it but whatever was leftover after I was done eating got thrown out the door to feed the wildlife (I remember making nachos one night and eating my fill then tossing the rest out).  I did this for 8 months and I lost 80 pounds.  It was wonderful.  It was the best time in my life food wise.  Then I hooked up with my husband Andy (I moved to Texas to be with him, it's a long story) and of course there was food in the house again.  And in just a few months all my weight came back.  Fast forward to 2007.  I was depressed and 300 pounds and I was now back in Maine with my husband and my mother.  I sat them down and told them the house had to be food free and surprisingly enough they said fine (my mom has food on her side of the house and Andy has a locked cabinet for his goodies).  And once again I got rid of everything, this time bringing it all to my sister's house.  And I filled all my kitchen cabinets with craft supplies and paint supplies and all kinds of stuff.  Anything but food.  But my husband loves to cook and he tends to cook a large amount at once and I could not for the life of me get him to cook just enough for him to eat.  And he hated to see me throw pots of spaghetti and meatballs out the door (I know it sounds messy but we live on the edge of the woods and the animals clean it up quickly).  And I also had to do groceries for my mother so I slowly slipped back into buying food for myself.  And now I'm following my food plan and even though I'd rather have no food in the house at all (except for those frozen dinners) I find that I can live happily and guilt free on the food plan that I'm currently following.  And I still have my cabinets filled with craft stuff and cans of paint, etc.  I never went back to stocking tons of food.  I have one small space for my cans of broth and soup and pasta.  Instead of stocking up I buy just what I need for a few days.  Anyway, what this all boils down to is this... if there is any way you can ever find it in your power to get rid of all your food please try it!!!  It feels wonderful.  At first it feels very odd seeing a refrigerator that is completely empty and bare cabinets.  But you quickly get used to it and you find other stuff to do besides eat!  If I ever live alone again I will live food free again.  But I think next time I would even skip the frozen dinners and next time I would go out for lunch and supper every day.  I would eat exactly what I want and would never have food in the house.  Oh, what a dream that would be!!!  To me that would be paradise!

Oct 28, Tuesday Morning:  I just got a wonderful email from someone and it made me remember something that I'd like to share with you.  This may be something you want to try, maybe not.  But it has worked for me before and when I get tired of my current food plan I may go back to this for awhile for a change of pace.  Here it is: frozen dinners.  I got this idea awhile back when I called to learn more about Jenny Craig and Nutri-System.  I loved the ease of those plans but could not afford the food.  And I was sad to learn that you still have to go to the store and buy your dairy, fruits, etc.  I figured if I was going to be forced to go to the store on their plans, why not just come up with my own "frozen dinner" plan.  So this is what I did...  I stocked up on frozen dinners.  I bought anything I wanted as long as the total calories of the entire package was 300 calories or less.  I bought some of the Lean Cuisine and Smart Ones and Healthy Choice frozen dinners.  But I also bought some of the cheap store brand frozen dinners too (we have Swanson, Banquet, etc. that sell for .99 to $1.25 per dinner).  Although they are not intended to be "diet" dinners, some of them can be very low in calories because the portion is small.  So, I stocked up on dinners and also cans of low calorie soup and of course, salad stuff.  For each meal, I would have a can of soup, a salad (fat free dressing), and a frozen dinner.  I allowed myself 5 meals like this a day.  And it worked!!!  Of course, if you don't have a lot of weight to lose you may need to do just 3 meals.  But at my weight I could lose on 5 meals.  When I wanted something sweet I made myself a parfait with layers of sugar free pudding, sugar free jello, fat free whipped cream and topped it off with some sugar free jelly (you must try this!).  Anyway, just thought I'd pass this idea along.  It's cheap and easy and with the wide variety of frozen dinners out there you can always make it interesting!

Oct 26, Sunday Morning:  Thank goodness for digital scales that show the tenths of a pound!  It saved me :o)  But hey, I'm going in the right direction.  It's odd though that I walked more than 10 miles on my treadmill this week (my first week) and I seemed to eat less yet not much of a loss to speak of.  My body is probably in complete shock that it is actually moving and wants to fight to stay where it is.  Maybe it will show up in the next couple of weeks.  I will not use the treadmill as a coat rack just yet.  I'll give it a good month and see what happens.  I will do it!

Oct 24, Friday Afternoon:  Gee, I have been ignoring my blog!  Just been busy, I guess.  I'm having fun on my treadmill walking a little at a time.  It's amazing how much walking you get in by just doing a few minutes at a time.  My treadmill is in my dining room right off my kitchen so I can walk while waiting for my coffee or while making my soup or whatever.  So far, so good!  I have decided not to join the gym at this point (see Oct 20).  I can only walk a few minutes at a time then I have to rest.  If I went to the gym I'd have to be there for hours just to get in a 30 minute workout.  So I'm going to build up my stamina then maybe I'll joing the gym later.  I think the treadmill is enough for now.

Oct 21, Tuesday Night:  Last night while watching Dancing With The Stars I got on my treadmill during every commercial break.  Here's the scoop... DWTS was on for 90 minutes.  During that time there were  seven commercial breaks totaling just over 28 minutes (yes, over 28 minutes of commercials out of 90 minutes!).  During just those commercials I ended up walking exactly one mile and I burned 258 calories!  That's one mile of movement instead of sitting there on the couch.  Gee... this might become a new addiction!  Biggest Loser is on tonight... my favorite!  On another note... I don't know how many of you have had lasik eye surgery but I had it in 2006.  It was great for awhile but I could slowly tell that my vision was getting bad again.  It got so bad that I finally had to go back and I'm set up for another round of surgery.  Seems like my vision just keeps changing.  My doctor is not charging me for the new surgery... thank goodness!  I just hope it works for good this time.  Just wondering if any of you had this kind of experience.  If you had Lasik that didn't work the first time please email me.

Oct 20, Monday Morning:  I can't believe what I have in my dining room... I just can't believe it... IT'S A TREADMILL!!!  The best thing about it is that is was FREE!  My aunt and uncle saw me walking at the pond and they thought I might get some use out of their treadmill so they actually gave it to me!  I would have never bought one because I've learned from the past that it is usually a waste of money for me to buy any exercise equipment.  But if this treadmill ends up being a coat rack, well, at least I won't feel guilty about spending any money on it.  I just got it last night and I walked 1/2 a mile three times and loved it.  Then this morning while waiting for my coffee I walked 1/4 mile.  Tonight I'm going to walk during every commercial break of Dancing WithThe Stars just to see how far I can go during commercials.  I'm going to have so much fun!!!  And get this... I'm considering joining a gym!  Our Planet Fitness is offering a special for only $10 a month and the price is guaranteed for three years!  Just $10 a month and I can quit at any time with no penalty fee... gee, I can't think of a better investment.  There is a $20 a year membership fee, but even that is a very low fee.  My sister joined yesterday but even though I was very impressed with the gym and the price I didn't sign up.  I have one week to decide before the special offer expires.  I'm just so afraid I'll end up not going then I'll feel like a failure.  Like when I went to Curves... I loved the first month then paid for 3 more months in advance and never went back.  I wasted nearly $100 and still have not forgiven myself for wasting that money.  But gee... $10 a month is so affordable.  And they have TVs you can watch while exercising.  I would feel just like a Biggest Loser contestant!  I hope I decide to join.  I just might!

Oct 19, Sunday Morning:  Seven weeks gone by already.  Do I secretly wish I had lost more?  Honestly, the years and years of feeling like a food failure has a voice whispering somewhere in the back of my brain that I am not doing a good enough job.  But that's just the old ideas trying to sabotage my success!!!  I must never listen to that voice in my head and must just continue pecking away at my weight.  Just think, when it's all gone I'll be able to look back at a very long list of tiny losses.  That long list will signify that I had many, many small successes that added up to one very big success.  That's what keeps me going :o)

Oct 18, Saturday Morning:  I thought I'd answer some email questions...
Do you take any diet supplements?
No, I don't believe they work.  The only one I ever tried was Alli and that was a waste of money.  The only supplements I take are a multi vitamin and omega-3 and a few other vitamins now and then.
How much weight do you want to lose?
My goal is to lose 100 pounds to start.  And I will do that 10 pounds at a time.  After that, we'll see.  Ideally, I'd like to weigh around 150 but that would be about 150 pounds to lose in all.  I'll start with 100 and take it from there.
You seem to still be eating a lot.  You could lose weight faster if you ate a little less and exercised more.  It would be healthier that way too.
I'll do what's best for me.  You lose your 100 pounds your way and I'll lose mine my way!  :o)
What do you eat when you go out to eat.
I don't go out to eat.  I rather eat at home.  And I don't do fast food either.  In fact, I've probably had fast food less than ten times in the past 20 years.  I stop by McDonald's for my mother's sundae or apple pies but that's it.  Nothing for me.  It's just not my thing.
Do you ever cheat?
I go off my food plan now and then but I do not call it cheating because that would sound like I was doing something wrong.  The more I stick to my food plan the more successful I am.  So that's what I focus on.
How tall are you?
Just under 5'4" and I'm 48 years old... feel more like 68 right now.

Oct 15, Wednesday Evening:  I walked today and my legs did not hurt!  It was yet again a very nice day so I'm happy that I got outside.  It will be too cold soon enough.  But I'll still get my time outdoors this winter because we no longer have a working snow blower and I can't afford one right now so I'm the snow remover, me and a shovel... just like the old days!

Oct 14, Tuesday Evening:  Ahhhh... it's Biggest Loser night!  My night for motivation :o)  I have not walked for the past two days.  Did not feel up to it yesterday and today I just got too busy.  I also want to let my legs have a break, my shins are killing me!  But hopefully I will get back to walking tomorrow.  I'm certainly not good at keeping up to any set walking plan (I can't stand the word exercise... so I'll just call it a walking plan).  Do I wish I could walk regularly?  Absolutely!!!  But I know myself very well and if I tell myself I must walk I'll end up hating it and will never step foot out the door.  So, instead I'll just walk when the mood strikes.  And I hope the mood strikes often!

Oct 12, Sunday Morning:  It Sunday!  My favorite day!  I'm six weeks in and I'm still at an average of about a pound a week so I am very, very happy!  It's another nice day today and althrough at the moment I have no desire to take a walk (still sipping my coffee) I will go out for a quick walk later if I get into the mood.  But my plans today and a bit of work then a lot of rest.  I will spend the bulk of my day and night watching movies with my mother.  She is 85 and we love watching movies together so I want to do as much of that with her as I can while I can.  I might also make a caserole for a change of pace.  Not sure what yet but it will certainly involve veggies and pasta :o)  And I have not had a smoothie for maybe a couple weeks now.  I must get back to those!  Well... time to get dressed and get to work.  First work, then movies :o)

Oct 11, Saturday Night:  I walked again today.  I seem to be in the walking mood.  I have walked every day since Tuesday.  The weather has been beautiful and I'm taking advantage of it.  I've been walking about a mile each time out but today I only walked about a half mile.  I feel very sluggish today.  Oh well... I should feel sluggish at my weight!  I just can't wait to drop a good 30 pounds so I can move more freely.  All in good time!  Good night and see you Sunday!

Oct 9 again, later in the day:  I took my walk and really enjoyed it.  This was my 3rd day for walking and already I was able to complete a mile... with resting on park benches, but still a mile!!!  Just a week or so ago I made it to the end of my street and back and thought I would drop dead.  But today, with the nice cool weather and beautiful colorful trees, I managed to walk and enjoy it!  I think I might go out again before TV time tonight.  On another note... I feel another depression coming on.  It was the same time last year that I went into a very deep depression.  I can't really blame it on the season change because it is not getting dark too early yet.  I'm not sure what is bringing it on but I am sure I will NOT go back on antidepressants.  So, I'm going to see if walking will help.  I do get a good boost of adrenaline when I walk and it makes me feel better, at least temporarily.  And I also upped my dose of omega-3.  I just can't let myself slip into that deep dark hole of depression again and I must find a way to avoid it without weight gaining meds.  I think having this blog will help too.

Oct 9, Thursday Afternoon:  I walked again on Wed and plan on taking another walk today.  I just love the weather this time of the year.  And I have such a nice area to walk.  I absolutely hate exercise but I really love to take a walk on a nice day.  And the path I walk on has plenty of park benches so I can stop and rest anytime I want.  I watched Biggest Loser last night and those people inspire me so much!  It makes me feel like taking 3 months off from work and just concentrate on exercise and losing weight.  But, I just can't take that amount of time off.  So I will continue to walk when I feel like it and will just drop the pounds slowly... but surely :o)

Oct 7, Tuesday Night:  I actually took a walk today.  The weather was beautiful so I got in my car and drove to our nice little pond in the center of town and walked, and rested, and walked.  Then I got a headache and I still have it... oh well, it was nice while it lasted!

Oct 6, Monday Late Night:  Ho hum... just trying to sleep and of course, I can't.  So I thought I'd come here and answer some emails right here on my blog.
Hi Darlene,  How are we going to know if you really lose weight?  I mean anyone can post weights and say they are losing weight.  Where's the proof?
The proof will come.  I will take new photos wearing the same black leggings and red shirt with purple flowers (lovely, huh?) for every ten pounds that I lose.  I do not expect any difference in size to actually show up in the photos until I lose 20 or maybe even 30 pounds.  But I promise I will post pics each time I drop 10 pounds... so keep watching!
Hi Darlene,  I'm trying to lose weight too but find it nearly impossible to keep to any plan when there is always food in the office where I work.  We always have donuts, cookies, candy and all kinds of other snacks right at our finger tips.  And when we have meetings there is pizza and pasta and so much food!  It's just impossible to resist all this food!
Ahhh... the old "food in the work place" problem.  If I worked outside the home you can bet that within one week I'd have all the food banned!  Go to the boss and complain!  Really, you must.  There is no reason you should be around food in a office.  Everyone should be working not eating!  Make yourself heard and stand up for yourself.  Demand that no food be brought in.  Demand it!  You have the right to insist that your office is a safe environment for you.  And I'll bet it would help others too.  And if you can't get them to stop bringing in the food... QUIT.  Yep!  Get a new job with no food involved!  Sometimes it takes a drastic change to succeed.  You come first and never forget that!
Darlene, you seem to be very strict about what you eat.  Don't forget to treat yourself to some goodies once in awhile!  A little candy never hurt anyone!
Treat myself?  Treat myself to goodies?  Ummmm... what makes you think I'm not eating goodies?  I eat goodies all day long!  I treat myself to expensive vine-ripe tomatoes and to big, juicy berries and to awesome solid white tuna and to the most tasty hot air pop corn and to oh-so-yummy hot dogs and to slice after slice of bread topped with sugar free preserves and to mouth watering popsicles and... well, you get my point.  Those are all wonderful treats!  Why is it necessary to think that a treat has to be something like candy?  Would you tell an alcoholic to treat themselves to a little vodka?
What makes you think you are some kind of weight loss expert?
I don't.  I am a Darlene expert.  I know myself inside and out.  I am just sharing my thoughts as a way to blurt out my feelings.  No one is forced to read what I write.  No one is forced to follow my plan.  No one is expected to like what I say.  I just tell it like it is as it pertains to ME and my journey.
What do you eat when you go out to eat?
I don't go out to eat.  Period.
To be continued....

Oct 5, Sunday Morning:  I must share this email that I just got from one of my blog readers.  I'm still shaking my head over this one... Darlene, I am following your blog, I love your sense of humor!  I think you may want to stop useing the word big so much for mental reasons. I like the fact that you are using healthy choices but now may be the time to start to cut back on the amount...not a lot just a little .  How about three hotdogs instead of four.  You will  have to do that any way, so start now slowly cutting back.  There will be a time when you will not be a big girl with a big appitie but a great woman learning to eat healthy.  The word big could be a mental stumbling block for you.  Just a thought....I pray for your strenght and happiness.  You go Girl!
What on earth???  Is it really necessary to tell me what to do, especially when I'm doing great?  Here is the reply I sent...
Hi xxxx,  I tell it like it is!!!  I'm big.  I'm fat.  I have a huge appetite.  There is nothing wrong with any of that.  I will continue to eat as much as I want :o)  I'm doing exactly what is right for me.  I almost ate a second helping of four more hot dogs so four might be better than eight.  But if I want eight I'll eat eight!  Here's the thing.  Everyone likes to say "maybe you should do this, or maybe you should do that."  Fact is, I'm losing weight so why should I change anything?  I'm doing what's right for me.  Only I know best what is right for me.  Now don't take this wrong but your email sounds a little bit like sabotage.  I'm doing great yet you are telling me I'm wrong :o)  Thanks but no thanks.  I only listen to words of praise :o)  By the way, are you overweight?  Darlene
Can you imagine someone having the nerve to tell me to eat three hot dogs instead of four?  What a joke!  Who knows, maybe that fourth 75 calorie hot dog saved me from eating ten candy bars!  I guess my point is this... why fix what is not broken?  Why tell me I need to do better?  I'm losing weight!!!  I've been happy and guilt free for 5 weeks now!!!  I am a big fat huge success (ooops, bad words, bad words).  Here's a fact: I'm perfectly happy with my results and I'm not on any type of stumbling block.  It sounds to me like my blog reader has "mother hen" syndrome and somehow gets her kicks by handing out compliments with a very negative tone.  And then when I lose 100 pounds she'll be telling me I'm anorexic.  Believe me, I know the type.  I'll always be doing something wrong.  I'm used to people in my life telling me how I'm doing it wrong.  But to hear it from a total stranger?  Them's fighin' words!  I'll prove her wrong, you just wait and see!  I hope she follows this blog for my entire 100 pound loss.  I WILL DO IT... hot dogs and all!  And by the way... it's Sunday and I lost weight again!  Ain't no one gonna take that joy away from me :o)

Oct 3, Friday Afternoon:  I just made something so delicious, so easy and so low cal that I just had to run here to tell you about it!!!  I was craving a jelly donut (okay, a box of jelly donuts).  I just looked at the Dunkin Donut site and a jelly donut is 240 calories.  That's not too bad if you can eat just one.  But I have a big appetite, so here is what I did... one slice of lite oatmeal bread (35 calories), 2 tablespoons Smucker's sugar free jelly (20 calories), and 2 tablespoons sugar free pudding prepared with 1% milk (20 calories).  Toast the bread until it's just warm, not too toasty.  Spread the jelly (I used blueberry) on the warm bread and drizzle the pudding on top of the jelly.  OMG this is BETTER than a jelly donut.  It's more like an awesome blueberry danish!  Total for one is only 75 calories.  I just ate four of them.  Here is a nice tip for sugar free pudding.  I buy vanilla and flavor it with extracts.  I make coconut flavor, run flavor, pineapple flavor... they are all so good!  And add some food coloring too because our eyes love to eat color!  Strawberry flavored pudding with a drop of red food coloring always tastes so much better :o)

Oct 3, Friday Morning:  Wow, already Friday!  How the time flies.  I lifted my six week time frame from my 10 pound goal.  It's not wise for me to set time frames because if I don't reach that loss in the set time frame I'll feel like somewhat of a failure.  And that's not how I want to feel while losing weight.  The truth is I really don't care how long it takes for me to lose as long and I lose steadily and consistently.  A little here and a little there is all that matters to me.  I guess a pound a week average would be nice.  And the key word here is average.  I don't tend to lose much in a week, usually under a pound.  But now and then I pull off a bigger number that brings my average up.  So I think a pound a week average would be good to hope for.  That would be 52 pounds in a year.  Deep down inside I want to do it much faster, but I don't like to set my goals too high.  I want to feel like a winner every week!

Oct 2, Thursday Night:  What an odd day I had food wise.  My eating was all out of sorts.  My day started out normal... big bowl of chicken noodle soup for lunch.  But then I was craving my popcorn in the middle of the day (usually my night time TV time treat) so I had my big huge bowl around 3:00pm (I allow unlimited popcorn so no biggie there).  But then I was not hungry for supper so I skipped it.  By the time Survivor was on I was not in the mood for popcorn so I made some sugar free pudding and while that was chilling I ate four hot dogs!  Yes, four!  My mother had quite an expression on her face but I assured her it was okay.  My hot dogs are only 80 calories each (40 calories for the fat free weiner wrapped in a 40 calorie slice of bread).  Four of those is only 320 calories total!  A regular hot dog is usually 240 calories each (120 for the weiner and 120 for the bun).  So see how making a small change in what type of a hot dog you eat can make a big difference?  Four regular hot dogs would be 960 calories.  I saved 640 calories just by eating the lower calorie version.  And I'm telling you, they are just as good!!!  Then I had a bowl of fruit cocktail (canned in juice, not syrup) topped with sugar free pudding.  Not sure about the calories for that but it's on my food plan so I ate it guilt free.  Then I hit the popsicles.  Six of them.  Oh, and I picked on some cooked shrimp (boiled, not fried) that I had in the fridge.  I almost had more popcorn but those hot dogs were filling.  I might do that again tomorrow night!