Sept 28, Sunday Morning:  Yippee!!!  I had a good loss this week... 2.8 pounds!  My best loss so far.  I am beyond thrilled!  I don't lose in big chunks too often but every now and then my body just surprises me :o)  Gee... it's just possible that I will lose my first 10 pounds in 6 weeks as planned.  It's okay if it takes me longer, but I'm not giving up the race yet!  I can't wait to take my first set of new photos after I lose ten pounds.  I think I will wear the same clothes each time I take pics.  I'm sure nothing will look different after only ten pounds but it will be fun to watch me shrink a little at a time.  I will take new photos after every ten pounds lost.  Just think... I only need to do that ten times then that will mean I've lost 100 pounds!  It sounds so easy when I look at it that way.  I will do it!  And you can do it too!  Just make up your own personal food plan and stick to it!  Aim to lose just five or ten pounds.  Take small steps and don't look back!  Ready, set, GO!

Sept 27, Saturday Afternoon:  It's a rainy day and that's just what I'm in the mood for... rain and Lifetime movies :o)  I had the most wonderful lunch.  I cooked some ground turkey with onions and mushroom and had a nice baked potato (microwave style) and green beans.  No butter, just some salt and pepper.  I had not had a potato in awhile and forget how delicious they are.  I'm very anxious for my weigh-in tomorrow.  It does not look like I will reach my 10 pound goal in 6 weeks but that's okay.  I will lose that first ten eventually!  And then another 10 will follow, and another, and another...  It will happen for me because I truly believe it will.  I will make it happen.  I will!

Sept 25, Thursday Morning:  I'm sitting here having my coffee trying to wake up.  I was in a bread mood last night big time and ate 12 slices.  Four slices were made into sandwiches and the other 8 slices were topped with sugar free jelly.  What a delicious feast!  Sandwiches were lite bread (40 cals per slice), fat free bologna (25 per slice) and fat free cheese (30 per slice) with mustard so total for each sandwhich was... hmmm... 135 each so 270 total.  Then the jelly is 10 cals per tablespoon (that's all!) and I had about 2 tablespoons on each slice so let's say 480 for the rest of my feast.  Grand total 750 calories for my bread feast.  Not bad considering all I had the rest of the day was about 300 cals for lunch (2 sandwiches, BLTs with just a little bacon bits and loads of lettuce and tomatoes, fat free mayo) then maybe another 150 in soup.  I was gone most of the day and did not have time to eat like usual.  I guess that's why I needed my mini binge... stressed, overly hungry, tired.  But hey, looking back and now adding it up I did good, only 1,200 calories for the day (if my math is right)!  Just think, I had a total of 16 slices of bread in one day (lite wheat, one of my favs) and I guarantee I'll still lose weight on Sunday.  I know I will!!!  You really can eat to feel satisfied and still lose weight.  If you pick lower calorie foods you can even binge a little :o)  One thing I'm going to try after I run out of my sugar free jelly... I'm going to try to make my own.  I pay something like $3.29 per jar and I go through them pretty quick.  So I think I'm going to try to just put some berries or fruit in the blender and make my own spread and then I won't have the artificial sugar... it will just be 100% natural!  Why didn't I think about this before?  I'll let you know how it turns out.  I better stock up on more bread!

Sept 23, Tuesday Evening:  I can't stress enough how freeing it is to be in control.  I'm on my fourth week of my food plan and I'm absolutely loving it.  I love doing my groceries.  I love cooking my meals.  I love being away from junk that makes me feel like crap physically and mentally.  I'm just one happy camper!  Tonight I look forward to both Dancing With The Stars and Biggest Loser (thank goodness for VCRs) and I'll be chomping away on my air popped pop corn and treating myself to my extra special Livesaver brand sugar free popsicles (OMG, you must try them!).  Nothing feels better than being in control of food and not letting food be in control.  I know how hard it is.  Believe me I do!  But honestly, if you just write up your very own food plan and stick to it, in a matter of no time the horrid cravings go away and you develop new cravings... new, healthier cravings.  My mouth waters for fresh tomatoes with salt and pepper.  I've got a bin full of them and think I'll go slice a couple right now!  Yes, I'm excited about tomatoes!  Who needs chips?  I don't!

Sept 21, Sunday Morning:  I'm down almost another 1/4 pound!  That gives me a total of 3 pounds in three weeks!  I know... it does not sound like much.  And some of you may be thinking "why suffer for three weeks only to lose a lousy 3 pounds!"  But you must remember this: I'm not on some kind of fad diet that promises quick results.  I am not suffering.  I am not depriving myself of foods I love (yes, I love soup and sandwiches!) or limiting the amount I eat (I probably eat more than you do!).  All I have done is change my food plan so I can fill up on better choices.   All I have done is make the decision to get what I want.  I look at losing weight like running a business.  I make a plan and I stick to it.  I work on it EVERY DAY without fail.  I forgive myself for not being perfect.  And when things start to slow down I make some changes.  Out of all those statements, the one that is most important to me is that I work on it EVERY DAY!  You might think that in business you can take a day off now and then.  No one works every day, right?  Let me tell you something, I do!  There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about how I can improve my business.  Even if I'm not at the computer or not sewing, I'm always thinking up new ideas.  And if I take a vacation I'm usually scouting around for new fabric suppliers or searching for new venus to sell my stuff.  I never take a day off from business because I love what I do.  My body deserves that same amount of attention!  So next time you hear yourself say... I'll start over tomorrow.... STOP and just think about how far away tomorrow is!  Why on earth wait until tomorrow?  You can do a lot of damage between now and tomorrow!  Change your way of thinking and get back to your plan RIGHT AWAY!  Can you imagine if every time a business owner had a grumpy customer or a shipment didn't come in or an employee was late for work or any time something went wrong they just turned off the lights, locked the door and said I'll start over tomorrow!  No businesses would be running!  They'd all be starting over tomorrow and they would never be successful!  The same holds true for losing weight.  Stuff will go wrong, probably every day, but you can't wait until tomorrow to start over.  You have to pick yourself up that very minute and continue along your merry way RIGHT AWAY!

Sept 16, Tuesday Afternoon:  I am sitting here waiting for my dentist appointment... ugh!  It's just a cleaning but my teeth are so sensitive that it's a very stressful appointment for me.  But it must be done!  BIGGEST LOSER starts tonight!  I love that show.  I know, I know... I can hear you now.  It's not realistic.  No, it's not.  Not really.  We can't all have personal trainers to kick our butts and we can't take time off from daily life to work out all day long.  But I love the hype I get from that show.  I love to watch success and will take any form of inspiration I can get.  I can do what they do, but it will just take a lot longer for me :o)

Sept 15, Monday Evening:  I just want to give everyone a pep talk!  I get lots of emails from ladies who say they'd love to lose weight with me but they just can't.  I know there are many real reasons for not losing weight (thyroid, medication, confined, etc.) but some, well, some are just excuses that need a bit more thought.  Here's one I get a lot... I can't afford healthy food.  Hmmm... I used to think fresh veggies and fruit, lean meat, etc., were expensive too.  But so were my bags of chips, bars of chocolate, boxes of crackers, cookies... you get my drift.  I think most of us are willing to spend money on what we crave, but not on what we probably should be eating.  I find that if I cut out all junk food I can afford the good stuff, even at today's prices.  And if you cut out fast food you can probably afford to buy a second home!  So give yourself a break and grab that fresh pineapple.  It's delicious!  The other thing I hear is that just the word "diet" makes you want to eat the house.  Well, don't use that word!  I usually call it my eating plan.  Or my menu.  But the word diet is not a bad word.  It just describes what you eat.  If you live on chips and beer then your diet is chips and beer.  Right now my diet consists of the foods you see in my food plan.  I might lose weight, I might not.  But that's the way I choose to eat for now.  It's my "diet."  You just have to play with ideas and decide what's best for you.  If you are afraid to give up your not-so-good eating habits, try this: try eliminating or changing just one thing.  If you eat a half gallon of ice cream each night, pick a lite version instead and enjoy the entire half gallon.  Or if you drink regular soda, switch to calorie free.  Eat a ton of bread?  Buy lite bread.  Just try to make a little change.  You don't have to change everything all at once.  I was in the habit of eating half of a loaf of bread with almost a stick of butter each night.  I switched to lite bread and sugar free jelly.  And I eat away!  Eventually I will cut down.  But in the beginning, I am more concerned with making better choices.  One step at a time.  As for the E word... exercise... I HATE EXERCISE!  I mean I really, really hate it.  So I have to disguise it.  I go to the store 3 or 4 times a week instead of one trip so it gets me out of the house more.  This means I have to get dressed (that's a workout right there).  Then I park at the end of the lot so I'm walking a bit more.  Is that really exercise?  I certainly would not win on Biggest Loser... but it's a start!  So don't stress over it.  You CAN do it!  You really CAN!

Sept 14, Sunday Morning:  Well... another week, another half pound!  Slow but sure, step by step, inch by inch.  That's the way I do it :o).  I could certainly lose faster if I cut down on the popcorn (even air popped has a lot of calories if you eat the enormous amount I eat!) or maybe eat a few less sandwiches (they are sooo good!)  But as I stated before, in the beginning I'm more concerned with switching to foods with less calories and not so concerned with how much I eat.  I'll cut down on portions later, after my brain and body realize I will not die from hunger if I don't eat bags and bags of chips :o)  For now I just want to enjoy the foods I'm eating and I'm willing to lose weight slowly.

Sept 12, Friday Evening:  It's already Friday and Sunday is just around the corner!  I was thinking that I should take a new photo for every 10 pounds I lose.  It won't really show much but it might be fun and it will give me something to look forward too.  And just think... if I have 10 photos that will mean I lost 100 pounds!  And you just watch me... I will do it!  My guess is it will take me two years which seems like forever.  But hey, two years are going to go by anyway so I may as well be losing slow but sure as the time flies by.  Now it's time to do some housework... ugh!

Sept 11, Thursday Morning:  I am up way too early!  I woke up at 5:00am and could not fall back asleep so I finally got up at 7:00am.  And I never fell asleep until about 2:00am and between 2:00 and 5:00 I got up twice.  So I got 3 hours of interrupted sleep.  Unfortunately, lack of sleep has always been a part of my life.  I suffer from chronic life long insomnia.  It's one of the reasons that my weight is hard to manage.  Chronic insomniacs are usually obese.  If you don't sleep well your body just dose not function properly, your metabolism is slow and your hunger is high.  But what's a girl to do?  I've been to all the doctors.  I've done all the sleep studies.  I stay caffeine free.  I've tried all the over-the-counter sleep aids.  But I just can't sleep.  I wake up with extreme headaches and always feel like a train wreck.  Frankly, it sucks!  But on a good note, I'm enthusiastic about Dr. Phil's new weight loss race.  I love his advice and I'm reading his book so maybe it will help keep me on track.  I'll take all the help I can get!

Sept 9, Tuesday Morning:  This is my wonderful roller coaster that I love to ride! Excalibur! (pic1, pic2, pic3).  It's at Funtown in Saco, Maine.  It was built in '98 and I was there on the first day it opened.  It's the only wooden roller coaster in Maine.  The last wooden one burned in 1948.   Excalibur is the longest and tallest coaster in our state's history.  It may not look like much but I'm telling you... that is one exciting bang-you-up ride.   I know from experience that I have to be under 230 pounds to fit in the seat.  You can see here that those seats (two have to fit in each seat) are not very wide.  There is a partition built into the seat so even if you ride alone you are forced to be squished on one side... and it's a very tight squeeze even when I was 230!  The last time I rode it was '07.  I was able to fit easily in the seats that year.  I hope I can ride it again in '09 but '10 is more likely.  I would love to travel the U.S. and ride every roller coaster there is.  I will get on anything!  Any ride, any time!  As long as I fit.

Sept 8, Monday Morning:  I knew it would happen... and it sure didn't take long!  The "fat acceptance" preachers found me and for some reason they find it in their best interest to email me and tell me that I've got it all wrong... my vision is distorted, my focus is twisted, I need to accept myself exactly as is, I should celebrate my weight... blah, blah, blah.  NEWSFLASH!  I'm fat and I hate it!  That does not mean I hate fat people!  That does not mean I think I am better than you.  That does not mean I believe all my problems will go away when I lose weight.  That does not mean I magically expect a lower weight to guarantee better mental and physical health.  That does not mean I do not love myself right now, this very moment, with all the stretch marks, folding rolls and sock-long boobs.  IT JUST MEANS I WANT TO FIT ON THE ROLLER COASTER!  So please, let me lose weight! :o)

Sept 7, Sunday Morning:  Well I'm about as happy as I can be right now!!!  2.2 pounds down!!!  It does not sound like much but I'm thrilled with it.  Especially since I really felt like I was eating a lot.  I eat every time I'm hungry but I pick from a list of foods that I know are safe for me.  I don't like to measure or count or care.  I just eat from my list and eat until I'm full.  And if I'm still hungry I eat some more!  But I pick such low calorie foods that I really can't go wrong.  I'll stick to this plan until it stops working then I'll switch it up a bit.  But for now... I'm happy!  Join me on the journey!

Sept 6, Saturday Morning:  I could not stand it... I had to look at the scale.  So far, so good.  Tomorrow will be the official number.  It won't be a huge loss by any means but I will appreciate any loss at all.  Really, after the way I gained so fast while on meds I'm just happy to have stopped gaining!  Anything in the downward direction will be wonderful!  Now, how can I get more of you to join me? :o)  I have received a bunch of emails telling me you will also weigh in at home.  I hope my struggles will encourage you to never give up.  Look at me... I lost a bunch and gained it all back but it did not break my spirit.  I will lose it again.  And you can do it too.  And don't be thinking it will be easy for me just because I'm off meds.  Gaining on meds is easy.  Losing it is always a struggle.  You just have to really want it.  You have to be ready to give yourself permission to treat yourself well.  Don't be afraid to give some foods up.  I keep my home junk free.  There is one cabinet with a pad lock and that's where my husband keeps his junk food (and he is underweight).  That cabinet has been locked for over 4 years, since the beginning of my previous weight loss journey.  So if I want junk food I must go out and get it and I'm usually too lazy to do that.  But I have been known to go to the corner store in pajamas and a long coat.  And twice while he was away visiting his family in Texas I found the key.  The first time I found it by accident.  Something shiny caught my eye.  It was something silver sticking out of from the top shelf of another cabinet.  I got a step ladder and sure enough it was the tip of a key!  THAT KEY!  I held it with my heart racing.  I started shaking.  Then I ran to the locked cabinet like a naughty child.  The stuff in his cabinet made my eyes pop out of my head!  It was like I had unlocked a treasure.  I never saw so much junk food in one place!  He had a grocery bag full of just chocolate bars!  How on earth could he afford that?  Did he go trick-or-treating in some rich neighborhood?  And there were big cans of nuts, mixed nuts, honey roasted nuts... OMG!  And cookies, so many cookies... all kinds!  Potato chips in every flavor.  And boxes and boxes of snack cakes.  I never see him put anything in that cabinet and I never see him eating it (too busy sewing, I guess).  I had no clue he had all that stuff.  A lot of the stuff was past the "best by" date but I didn't care.  In the week he was gone I nearly wiped him out.  Of course I told him what I did and scolded him for not being good at hiding the key (it was his fault, right?).  The next time he left for a trip I purposely looked for that key.  I searched everywhere and finally found it in the living room at the top of a bookshelf under his collector race car.  I could not believe I actually found it!  And again, I unlocked the door to the treasures and had a week long feast.  That was a couple years ago and that was the last time.  I just lost interest and could not bring myself to ever have to confess again.  He can have his treasure all to himself.  And besides, he now takes the key to Texas.  Anyone got a good saw?

Sept 5, Friday Evening:  OMG... Sunday's weigh in is just around the corner!  I do not weigh myself during the week so it will be a surprise... and I hope it's a pleasant one :o)  I'm trying to eat the way I ate the last time I lost weight and thought I'd share my plan.  It's all about the S!  Soup - Sandwich - Salad - Smoothie.  I find this is such an easy plan to follow and the variations are endless.  I prefer to eat all natural but during weight loss I tend to use the low cal versions so I can eat more.  For sandwiches I buy lite bread, thinly sliced cold cuts, fat free cheese, and top with lettuce, tomato, etc., and I use spicy mustard for spread.  For soups I start with a can of low fat, low cal cream soup or broth based soup (there are so many options) and I add frozen veggies galore!  As for salad, well, I think you know all about salads.  But what about the dressing?  I like my salad oozing with dressing so I make my own.  I use fat free sour cream and I mix it with a bit of fat free mayo, mild salsa and I add a little 1% milk to thin it out.  It is creamy and has just enough zip to add life to the salad.  I use all I want.  I never measure.  Then there is my smoothie habit!  You can have so much fun with this.  In a blender, I start with about 1 cup of 1% milk then I add about a cup of any flavor of diet soda.  Then I toss in whatever frozen berries I have in the fridge, usually about 1/2 a cup.  Or I use canned fruit... whatever is available.  Then I pack in the flavor by adding some extract, my favorite is a blend of pineapple and coconut.  Plop in a few ice cubes and blend away!  I drink this anytime I'm hungry.  I especially like to have one before my evening meal because it's so filling.  If you like banana smoothies here's a trick for you.  Peel the bananas and break them into pieces then put in a plastic bag and freeze!  You have bananas for your smoothie any time you want!  Speaking of smoothies... I think I'm going to make one right now :o)

Sept 3, Wednesday Morning:  Today I will count calories just to check how much I'm eating.  I love finding low cal gems while shopping.  My favorite (and they are a live saver) is Oscar Mayer fat free wieners.  They are only 40 calories each and when plopped into a lite 35 calorie bun you get a hot dog for only 75 calories!  I always have two at a time with a nice big bowl of veggies.  I'm also very big on soup.  I start with a low cal canned soup and I add lots of frozen veggies.  Then I thicken with just a bit of corn starch.  I eat this whenever I want.  It's my survival soup... or stew, depending on how much I thicken it.  It worked for me before and it will work for me again! I am also reading Dr. Phil's Weight Loss Solution book.  I'm finding it to be very informative.  And I can't eat while I read!

Sept 2, Tuesday Morning:  I had a very good day yesterday and I hope today is just as good :o)  I'm anxious for Sunday's weigh in.  Knowing I will post it here is giving me the incentive I need to do my best.  I don't expect perfection.  I just have to remember that I am worthy of being the best I can be!

Sept 1, Monday Morning:  Where did the summer go???  Already September!  I look forward the the changing leaves but not to the cold weather.  But I do prefer too cold than too hot :o)  Here is my mini goal for today... I want to get into bed tonight without a bag of chips or a can of nuts or a box of crackers (or all three!).  I know I can get through the day eating right, but it's that horrid night time that gets me every time!  So if I feel I must run to the store to buy some junk I'm going to try posting on my blog instead.  That is something I've never done.  I've never stopped before a "binge" and wrote to someone.  So tonight that is what I'm going to do.  I hope it works!

Aug 31... My Birthday... First Blog Entry:  Hello everyone!  Well, it's about time I start my very own blog.  I've been meaning to for quite some time and never got around to it.  But today is my 48th birthday so I figured I'd give myself a gift and reach out to my customers... my friends... for some help.  And maybe I can help you along the way.  So, here goes!

Those of you who have known me for awhile will remember my weight loss journey that I celebrated a couple of years back.  I had lost 75 pounds and was proud of it.  Guess what... all that weight came back... plus more.  I'm now at 300 pounds and hate it.  I know there are many "fat acceptance" people out there but I'm not one of them.  I can't stand not being able to fit in a plane seat, fit on a roller coaster or not being able to walk up a flight of stairs.  My joints hurt, my back is killing me and even my hair and skin seem to suffer.  When I was around 200 pounds I felt so much better and it showed in so many ways.  Now it has all fallen apart.  And I can't seem to save myself.

The last time I Iost weight I was attending TOPS.  But things started to turn sour on a personal level and I started feeling like a very crushed girl.  I was happy that about my success but sort of felt like I could not really celebrate it.  Then I became the leader and put my entire heart into the job, more than any of them will ever know, but there was tension in the group and I felt like I was causing all the problems and suddenly the place that became my safe haven turned into a place I dreaded going to.  I came to truly love these women but I new it was time for me to go.  Leaving that group was like a divorce for me.  I took it very hard and I never really recovered from the pain.  I tried another chapter but my heart was not into it.  I didn't fit in anywhere and it was at that time that I started falling into my first depression.

Depression was new to me.  I felt horrible.  And the weight was starting to come back due to a certain med I was on, 300 mg of Seroquel.  Seroquel made me eat like I've never eaten before.  I ate and would fall asleep in the middle of a binge.  I'd wake up with food on me, pans on the stove, melted popsicles on my chest, bowls of popcorn tipped over on the floor, and the worst was waking up with my jaws glued shut by a mouthful of Milk Duds what had melted around my teeth making it nearly impossible to open my mouth (I had no clue what was going on!).  Seroquel makes you lose your memory (at least I lost mine) and I could not believe I was doing all this dangerous eating during the night.  And the weight was coming back on fast!

So my doctor turned me over to a psychiatrist and the search began to find a med to help me become "balanced" without the Seroquel.  Finally we hit a combination of three meds that made me feel better.  I felt good.  I felt great.  I felt awesome!  I got a three month supply and went on my merry way.  And my journey into a full blown manic episode began.

Mania was new to me too.  And I loved it.  I was as high as a kite!  I could do no wrong.  I was unstoppable.  I didn't need anyone in my life and no one was going to tell me that I could not accomplish all the new ideas I had.  I moved my home-based sewing business into a Main Street studio so I could have more room.  I bought tons and tons of fabric to fill my new space.  I was going to have fashion shows and would be the hit of the town!  Then I decided I should run a cafe instead!  Yes, a cafe was the way to go.  Oh wait!  A cafe and boutique!  Yes, that was it!  No, a thrift store.  That would help others!  That was what I wanted!  That was the ticket to my success!  Um, no, not that.  A craft store where anyone could sell their crafts.  Oh, how cool that would be!  And we could all sell baked goods too.  Baked goods, crafts, and PIES!  We needed a good place to buy pies in town (really?).  Oh, Oh, OH OH OH!  I was on the wrong track!  I needed to start my very own weight loss group!  Yes, that is what I really wanted!  Or how about a combination of all of the above!  I could do it ALL!  Yes, I could!

I had a new business idea just about every day.  And just as quick as I'd start that business I came up with a better idea and I'd switch gears.  The ideas kept coming and the money kept going.  I was registering these businesses and spending on flyers and decor.  I spent and spent and spent.  It didn't matter how much I spent because I was going to hit it big any day now.  I just needed that new big idea!  The next idea was going to make me rich and famous!  I just knew it.  I could do no wrong.  Nothing was going to stop me.  Nothing.  Not even booze.  So I started drinking again.  Daily.  And a lot.  I was completely drunk every day for six weeks.

Eventually my three month supply of miracle pill mixture ran out.  I had not kept my psychiatrist appointment so I could not get refills.  And almost overnight my life stopped.  I felt dead.  I felt worse than dead.  I hated everyone and everything.  My business ideas dried up and I could not work.  I could not even sew.  I could barely lift my head off my pillow.  My credit cards were maxed to the tune of $50,000 and I had no way to pay the debt.  I saw no future, no hope, no end to the pain.  I spent hours upon hours, days upon days, weeks upon weeks staring at the ceiling.  On a good note, my six week drinking binge stopped because I was too depressed to get off the couch to drink.  I just lay there waiting to die.  And each morning I'd cry because I was still alive.

I had not seen my doctor for months.  She had no idea how much my life had changed.  Somehow I managed to go back to her and tell her my story.  She explained that I had experienced a manic episode and was now in a very deep depression.  And I needed to go back to a psychiatrist.  I went and went and went.  I saw five psychiatrists in all.  I was bi-polar, so they claimed.  And they all put me on meds.  Nothing helped.  My moods swings were horrible and and I was gaining weight faster than I ever had in my life.  I gained 10 pounds a month for 6 months in a row.  I could literally grow out of a pair of pants in a matter of a week.  They said it was the meds.  I was lethargic and my metabolism was not working.  I was not to worry.  I'd lose it all again as soon as I was "balanced."   The balance never came.  And the 75 pounds that took me over two years to lose all came back in just a few months. Then over a period of another year I managed to pack on an extra 20 pounds on top of that.  I didn't care because I was sure I'd be dying soon.

My costly manic episode was in the spring of '07 and my depression started that June.  For the next six months I cried enough tears to flood a small country.  And I wanted to die.  I could not understand why I kept waking up every day.  I was convinced that I was near death.  Surely the next breath would be my last.  I wanted it to be my last.  I wanted to die but it was going to have to happen on it's own because I certainly did not have the strength to kill myself.  And I was not the only one suffering.  My mother was scared to death and did not know how to help.  I spoke to no one.  I cared about no one.  I did not exist.

I was not good at staying on meds.  I hated them.  I hated the foggy head.  I hated the mood swings.  I hated the weight gain.  I hated being told that I'd need medication for the rest of my life.  Huh?  The rest of my life?  Are you kidding me?  And the meds would have to be monitored closely becaue I'd have to keep changing meds because they tend to work for awhile but not forever.  Keep changing meds? Something was very wrong with this picture.  And I needed to take back control of my life.

So let's fast forward to this summer of 08.  I took myself off meds and told my doctor there is no way I'm taking anything else.  My mood is much better and the weight gain stopped.  I am convinced that my manic episode was completely drug induced and the depression that followed was inevitable.  I am not bi-polar.  I'M SLEEP DEPRIVED!  Medication turned me into some kind of monster.  I lost over a year of my life and put my family in debt.  What a nightmare!  But now my head is clear, I am working full time again, and I am pecking away at that debt.

 And now I'm ready to lose all this weight!

So that's the purpose of this blog.  I don't have a group to attend any more so I figure I'll just post my success here.  And maybe I can encourage some of you to join me on this journey!  I'll be uploading photos soon and will post my weight once a week.  My mini goal is to lose 10 pounds and to try and get more active even if it means just taking a few more trips up and down the stairs.

My blog entries certainly won't be this long every time.  I just wanted to catch you up on where I am today.  And I'm not trying to say that medication can't work for depression or bi-polar or whatever.  Everyone has to do what's right for them.  I just know medication is not for me.

If you have questions or comments or just want to share your story with me please feel free to email me at blog@darlenemichaud.com.  But please don't feel offended if I don't reply because I have over 3,000 names on my customer list and I get at least 100 emails a day as it is.  I think once people read this blog that may number of emails I get may double.  I know many of you share my same story.  And trust me, I know how you feel!