Mar 20, Friday Afternoon:  Well it's finally here... SPRING!  I wish I cared!  But I'm still in a very blah place.  I think I will start to feel better when I get my last 2 miles done.  I swear, I will never, ever again force myself to walk 2 miles a day.  I just don't have the brain for it.  I dwell on it and it makes me hate life.  And while I'm walking all I can think of is all the other things I'd rather be doing.  This has been a very painful two weeks for me, mentally painful.  The walking feels good.  It's thinking about the walking that is killing me!  BUT... I have a treadmill and I need to use it or it just becomes an eyesore.  So here's what I'm going to do.  As much as I hate walking, I know I can get through a mile a day 5 days a week.  And I'm going to do that until I lose this 10 pound chunk that I've been working on FOREVER!!!  So my new chart will just continue until I get to 279.4 or less and then I'll think up something else!

Mar 16, Monday Night:  I think it's quite ironic that just when I start accomplishing something I never dreamed I'd accomplish... like walking 2 miles a day... I don't run to my blog and post it!  I have just been completely out of whack.  I feel like I'm having a constant anxiety attack. I know it's a mixture of the pressure of completing my walking chart and having four appointments to go to.  It's not the appointments I hate but just knowing I have something I must do.  I'm such a freak!  The older I get the more paranoid I get and the less I sleep and the more I stress out.  Oh well, I'll just keep on ticking and do what I can to survive.  And as happy as I am that I'm losing weight and that I'm not obsessed with food, I sure would like to see that scale move faster!  But I can't worry about that right now.  I also want to mention that I really do appreciate all the emails and all the advice on beating depression or coping with depression.  I'm sure not alone!

Mar 10, Tuesday Night:  Did you think I disappeared?  Gee, I have not posted since last Friday.  And I didn't even run here to post my weight loss or my walking success.  I've just been so down.  I'm trying to fight off a round of depression so I had to take all tasks off my list of things to do because I get so overwhelmed.  So I've been staying away from the computer.  The only thing I force myself to do each day is take a shower, get dressed, make soup as needed, and walk on the treadmill and sew when I can.  Everything else can wait until I feel better.  I am happy to say that I was able to do my 2 mile days and it was not that difficult because I had all the time in the world to get it done.  But the funny thing is I was not able to enjoy the accomplishment.  I'm just in that awful zone.  I hope it does not last.  Oh well, I got through depression before and I will again.  I sometimes wonder if the pressure of having to complete this walking chart has put me over the edge!  But there is no turning back for me.  If I say I'm going to do it I must.  Even if it makes me mentally ill.  So eight more days of walking and then I'm definitely taking a break from walking.  Or at least a break from forced walking.  Trouble is, if I don't force myself I'll never walk again because I really and truly do hate it that much.  I just hate it! 

Mar 6, Friday Night:  It's Friday night and I feel like I wasted this entire day.  I didn't get any real work done and I still have more than half my walking to do... just one of those days!  But at least I don't run to food.  It amazes me that I don't.  Simply amazes me!  But I feel like some depression is trying to sneak through.  Been feeling that way for a few days now.  I hate that feeling.  It's not a sadness, but more like I'm checking out for awhile.  It's very hard to explain depression to someone who does not suffer from it.  Most people (okay, mostly my family but I think they are finally getting it) think that I'm depressed because of life's circumstances... slow business, no tenant in my rental property, junk I still have to do for my brother's estate, sick dogs, aging mother... you know, just life stuff.  But depression, at least for me, has nothing to do with stress or struggles.  In fact, I usually thrive during times of stress.  It's like a game for me to overcome things.  No, for me depression is almost like a coma.  And the deeper I go, the more I don't care to get out.  The last time I was really bad off was 2007... I think.  I'd have to look back.  But it was really, really bad.  And I don't want to go there again.  But I will not take meds again.  So hopefully walking will help.  Who knows, maybe walking is causing it!!!  Wow, wouldn't it be wonderful if I was forced to stop walking!  But walk I must.  And if not for depression, at least just to keep my legs moving.  And I better get some more done right now.  And for the next two weeks I have to do two miles a day.  I don't know how I'll ever get it done :o(

Mar 4, Wednesday Night:  Hello friends!  It's Wednesday night and I spent the day thinking about this terrible economy.  All I hear on the local news is more and more businesses are closing.  My sewing business is suffering... practically dead.  But since it's my business it will never really go away.  But it might need a rest.  I have to find another way to make money for awhile.  In the way, it's an exciting time.  Scary, but exciting.  And I sure will have more time to work on my weight loss!  I have got to get that scale going down faster.  I must be getting too many calories in my soup.  What I'm going to do for the next pot is count the calories for the entire pot then I'll know how much it is per serving.  That's a good idea!  Well, almost time for TV.  Gotta run!

Mar 2, Monday Midnight:  I did my first day of 1.75 miles!  And my legs feel it.  I never thought a couple weeks back that I'd actually make it to this.  So now I'm sure I'll be able to do the 2 mile days.  I still won't like it, but I know I'll do it.  What I really hate is the amount of time it takes.  I'd much rather be working than walking.  Well, it's another late night for me so I really should get off the computer.  Good night!

Mar 1, Sunday Midnight:  I can't believe I forgot to post my weight today!  And I can't believe it's March!!!  And I really can't believe that I have to walk 1.75 miles on Monday.  It was so nice to have Sat and Sun off.  But look at that chart of mine!  I have stuck to it and I will complete it.  And then I'll move on to another chart.  Well, it's late and I should go to bed.  I've got to be up at the crack of noon tomorrow!